WF, 5’4, brown hair, brown eyes, fortyish, available parking day or night in front of building.
Elva dropped her personal ad off on the way to work. She hadn’t been in a relationship in over three years. This was an attempt to plague fate with the probability of companionship–that was all. “Somebody,” she thought to herself. “Another overfed body wrestling his magic death queen, his Sears five-speed black and gold stingray, the answer to flat pancakes, bad cop shows, and gas.” The idea of fantasizing was an unnecessary pastime to Elva. Let the men bask in their fallacious pin-up dates. She saw it like it was.
WPM, 5’11, 170 lbs., forty-six, loves to cook, bicycle, spend quiet evenings at home. “Atque annuit ille, qui per eos, clamat, linquas iam, Lazare, lectum.” (God prospers their practise, and he, by them, calls Lazarus out of his tombe, mee out of my bed.) John Donne, 21st meditation.
Anderson was closer to 200 lbs., 5’8, unemployed for over twenty years, (his mother was supporting him), and had never owned a bicycle in his adult years. The remaining statements were accurate. Continue reading →
It wasn’t her guts I hated. It was other parts of her anatomy I despised. Sparkling, ivory teeth spread out across her face like piano keys plastered beneath a witless pair of shimmering lips. I would stare at her flat incisors while she blustered on about something inane and fantasize blacking out a few of them with my fists to complete the keyboard. I did take a black marker to her high school yearbook photo, but that satisfaction was merely momentary, for I knew that that was all I was capable of. She was an amazon with incredible clout. I was long bones with a bit of meat on me in all the wrong places. Most of the time I tried to stay clear of her.
The only body parts that pushed out ahead of her teeth were her boobs. They torched out of her chest like two upended lampshades with little balls on the ends where her nipples saluted. Continue reading →
My older brother, Nathan, was named after a nun my Irish grandmother knew. Nathan seemed the perfect name for a nun. There were no Sister Cindy’s, Scarlett’s, or Barbara’s for a very specific reason. Sister Garrett was the first nun I met. She had shoulders like a linebacker and was more than capable of kicking my ass or anyone else’s that dared to cross her path. She was my first grade teacher. They didn’t get less brutal as you moved up the grade school ladder. Sister Bernard was my second grade teacher. She weighed at least 200 pounds, had jowls and sometimes drooled. We called her Saint Bernard behind her back.
Nathan was one of those child geniuses. He had taught himself to read when he was three and now read encyclopedias and dictionaries for pure entertainment. He was crammed with miscellaneous facts and elongated words that nobody understood, including the nuns who supposedly taught him. He became an altar boy when he was seven or eight. He could recite the entire mass in Latin after only a few months on the job. Of course, this didn’t surprise anyone in our family, including Nathan. There were six of us kids, which was barely a spit of a Catholic family. Most Catholics grouped eight to twelve kids in their brood, but there was a family a few blocks down with twenty-two kids. It took two houses to house the entire dynasty. Nathan was the only one who could name all of them, in chronological order, in less than a minute. My mom always said their parents won, hands down, first prize for dumbfounding faith in the rhythm method–the only Catholic birth control in existence. Continue reading →
These stories comprise my collection of short fiction entitled “A Woman of No Importance and other stories”. There are eighteen stories in all.
My writing has appeared or is forthcoming in Calliope, Santa Fe Literary Review, San Francisco Bay Press, SLAB Magazine, Boston Literary Review, Fast Forward Press, Midway Journal, Foundling Review, Ascent Aspirations, Blue Print Review, Crash, Sleet Magazine, Jersey Devil Press, Fractured West, Fiction Collective, Black Words on White Paper, Ink Monkey, Midnight Screaming Magazine and Galleys Online.